HELLO I AM DUMB

List of text drafts that I thought I lost forever but then I got back but then I felt like “these drafts are super dumb” but whatever I decided to write about each draft anyway (or something)

“Hyper sex you all”

Do you hate me?

“Contact lenses that work like video cameras. If someone invents those I’m going to buy that I don’t care about the price. I need that. Thanks future inventor. I want to marry you so I can get them for free.”

Self-explanatory.

“Some girl just said ‘I need to change all these things to be wife worthy’”

I was in school when I heard that and I felt really sad. I don’t think I saw the girl’s face. I just overheard that and felt angry and wanted to tell her ‘you don’t need to do anything, girl.’

“I don’t tune out unimportant things because nothing is unimportant.”

Duh.

“I feel like I can’t breathe”

This happens a lot but it’s okay.

“Hmmmm how much?”

lol wtf

“Just thought ‘ ”

I thought something and then I didn’t type it. I was probably driving and texting was unsafe or maybe I got a new text and forgot. Most likely, I was driving. I’m not that popular. Not a lot of people text me.

“¿alguien se puede parar en mi espalda? (es pregunta y albur)”

That means ‘can someone stand on my back’ but it has double meaning in Spanish. It also means something like ‘can someone get a boner on my back?’. In parenthesis, I tell everyone this is a question and something dirty. How do you say ‘albur’ in English? I forgot.

“feminasty and feminazi”

Thought that was funny (because I’m dumb).

“just thought ‘rt this and win a bj’ idk why I thought that I’m jk”

Lol. I’ve thought about tweeting that (or something like that) a lot of times. Glad I’ve never done that. Seems dumb and sad.

PINKY PROMISE ME THIS

http://idonothavepenisenvy.com/PINKY%20PROMISE%20ME%20THIS%20by%20ana%20carrete.pdf

gonna sneeze windex all over your sexy body

someone emailed me two poems and i feel really confused.
i have 41 new poems (new poetry collection?) (i guess). (i think) no one can read them.
while washing my face i thought, 'baby babe' might be my only 'real' book, and i don't know if i'm cool with that.
everyone hiccup or whatever.
i'm a big baby. i'm the opposite of a fearless baby. i'm like a ghost that wants to be a koala or something (cute).
it's 12:21 am right now.
writers are fill in the blank.
my face wants to eat your face. all the time.
my feet are cold.
i read tweets and i get really mad. i'm dumb. i say i'm dumb a lot. it's dumb.
i also say 'i don't know' a lot. i do that 'in real life' all the time. i don't know anything.
i'm older. i have zero goals for 2012. i've had zero goals all my life. i guess that's a lie. i mean i never write them down. i never have a list. maybe lists are good.
zero dumb goals.
100% dumb.
i'm one sad motherfucker.
i'm one two three four five sad motherfuckers in the shape of one
sad motherfucker.
or something.
do you want to braid my hair or do you at least want to comb it?
i stopped posting things here and i stopped gmail chatting and i stopped reading blogs because i worked and 'school got crazy'.
everything feels different now. i sit in front of my laptop and i feel nothing and i feel too much.
i sit and look at the names of the people who are online but i don't really talk to anyone. i'm invisible. i can say 'hi'. that's it. hello internet. i'm boring.
boring is ugly.
i read things and i feel sad and ugly and gross and i want to do bad things. for example, suicide is a bad thing that i want to do. just kidding. one time i got really scared because i seriously considered jumping off of a parking structure. this happened like two months ago. i'm ungrateful and i'm hungry.
this is the only thing i know for sure: at some point, i'm going to be (really) lonely.
one day i was crying and i made a video of that and then i deleted it.
i'm going to be alone and then i'm going to make videos of everything and then i'm not going to share them. i'm just going to watch my own videos and cry and film myself watching myself. and then i'm going to record that. can someone not punch my face?
one day, someone is going to put a scoop of chocolate ice cream in my mouth but i'm going to be so bummed that i'm going to think that they pooped in my mouth. it's going to be gross and i'm going to shoot myself in the face if that happens. so, does anyone have an extra gun?

BABY BABE [CIVIL COPING MECHANISMS]

dear FRIENDS,
hello. i've been very busy and it sucks but also it doesn't at the same time. um yeah. i love you. thank you for reading.

just wanted to let you know CIVIL COPING MECHANISMS is publishing my poetry book BABY BABE in 2012.

and i just want to scream a lot.

thank you for: your emoticons, your comments, your luv, your everything that you've typed (etc) my way.

if you want to ask me questions or whatever please

email me/@ me/ DM me/ 'whatevs' me.

thank you.

yours forever,

ana c.

Teen Sorcery (1999) [quotes n notes]

'so suburban' 'and this is supposed to excite me.'

the girl looks like the swap meet version of melissa joan heart.
the other girl looks like the swap meet version of the pocahontas version of christina ricci and there's fire in her eyes.

'we can hang out at my house i have a cool cd collection.'

lol his name is 'michael charming.'

'sometimes i wish you weren't such a damn brainiac mary!'

‘powers of dark powers of light fill within me strengthen my might.’

‘wicca. it’s the religion that witches practice.’

'are you asking me out? i'm flattered but i don't think so. i'm a really bad dancer.'

'find anything?' 'no just some stupid potions.'

the librarian is the keeper of the stone.
oh but 'she must guard it now.'
‘you must guard it now. guard it with your life.’

‘great now everyone at school is going to think we’ve gone goth.’

‘jeez you got like schwarzenegger grip.’

‘so wait we’re like the good witches? how un-fun is that.’

the good witch and her nerdy friends wear sunglasses and the evil witch and her friends don't. the evil witch eats popcorn.
the evil witch disappeared the nerds' lunch and the good witch gave them pizza.
the evil witch looks like the swap meet version of posh spice.

lol now i know why i found this while searching ‘sleeping beauty.’

‘brave and gallant? have you checked out the guys in this town?’
‘conjure one up.’

‘so uh do you wanna play frisbee?’

lol they need to turn michael charming into a prince and they turned him into Prince.

portal to a parallel universe.

‘who believes this? my whole dungeons and dragons club.’

jump into the locker.

shit just got groovy.

evil teen witch is trapped in nerdy high school.

everyone gets hot dates.

'who needs leonardo dicaprio?'

kiss.

I AM SNEEZING A LOT

hello friends. just wanted to let you know i'm sneezing a lot. i woke up like an hour ago and i keep sneezing. i went to bed and my hair was wet and now i'm sick. great.
also,
issue 3 of red lightbulbs is up and there's some awesome things by awesome women and there's this long thing by me.
also, there's poems by me at metazen.
okay. thanks everyone. i hope i'm the only one sneezing and everyone is having fun licking lollipops and feeling great. *sneezes*

idk: pdf thingy

i wrote a thing and made a pdf. you can get it here.
i hope you like it.

i want my money back

i’m really dumb sometimes
one time i bought a lipgloss
just because it was called
sexy motherpucker

(worst idea ever)

Sexy Everything

For the past few months, I've seen billboards (everywhere). I didn't even know what they were advertising. Turns out they’re trying to sell vodka. But all I remember and think when I see those ads is ‘sexy female robots are creepy,’ ‘wow, she has tits and ass,’ and ‘ugh.’

The ads show pictures of sexy female robots. The ads ask everyone who drives by Are you bot or not? My answer is definitely not and fuck you.

Is that how they're trying to convince people? It sounds like they’re trying to make it sound like ‘are you cool or not’? Who wants to be a robot? Who's the audience? Extreme nerds? Who buys this product because of that ad?

Bots can’t drink vodka. Nothing makes sense.

Who is in charge of this campaign? I want answers.

I guess there's lots of movies that promote the sexy robot idea. Not only sexy robots but sexy clones, sexy creatures that aren't 100% human but are like 1% human maybe. Everything needs to be sexy. For some reason. Right. And the people in charge (writers? whoever) try to make you feel guilty if you want these creatures dead. We turn into nazis or something. The people who hate the man-made creatures always look like ignorant fucks in the movies. I know I'm always convinced while watching these movies. I always think 'the haters are so mean.' But after seeing those sexy bot ads, I got immediately mad. I think I get it now.

A really great example is the movie Splice. It came out in 2009. I watched it in 2011.

SPOILER ALERT.
STOP READING IF YOU WANT TO BE SURPRISED AND WATCH THIS MOVIE.

The female scientist is emotionally unstable and Adrien Brody loves her but thinks she’s crazy when she insists on making a new creature. She makes the creature anyway. She doesn’t need anyone’s permission. She’s an independent woman and probably listens to Destiny’s Child. The creature grows fast. The creature falls in love with Adrien Brody and he teaches her how to dance. They kiss and fuck and everything is crazy. The splice arches her back and opens her wings when she orgasms. Apparently, Adrien Brody is into females with long lethal tails, deformed legs, wings, and a face that looks like the kid from the music video of System of a Down’s Aerials.

The creature eventually turns male, kills Adrien, and rapes the female scientist. The female scientist was the creature’s mom or something. The creature had her DNA. I barely passed my biology classes, so I didn’t really get the scientific part of the movie. But I can say whatever I want to say so I’m going to say this: everything about this movie is dumb but I liked it.

Every time I walk into Blockbuster and see the cover of that movie, I remember the scene where the creature orgasms and spreads its wings.

I think what I’m trying to say is this: I don’t want to be replaced by sex bots. I don’t want anyone to be replaced by sex bots. I want human flesh. I’m okay with (and will probably enjoy) movies about sex bots but I don’t want them to exist ‘in real life.’