Sexy Everything

For the past few months, I've seen billboards (everywhere). I didn't even know what they were advertising. Turns out they’re trying to sell vodka. But all I remember and think when I see those ads is ‘sexy female robots are creepy,’ ‘wow, she has tits and ass,’ and ‘ugh.’

The ads show pictures of sexy female robots. The ads ask everyone who drives by Are you bot or not? My answer is definitely not and fuck you.

Is that how they're trying to convince people? It sounds like they’re trying to make it sound like ‘are you cool or not’? Who wants to be a robot? Who's the audience? Extreme nerds? Who buys this product because of that ad?

Bots can’t drink vodka. Nothing makes sense.

Who is in charge of this campaign? I want answers.

I guess there's lots of movies that promote the sexy robot idea. Not only sexy robots but sexy clones, sexy creatures that aren't 100% human but are like 1% human maybe. Everything needs to be sexy. For some reason. Right.
And the people in charge (writers? whoever) try to make you feel guilty if you want these creatures dead. We turn into nazis or something. The people who hate the man-made creatures always look like ignorant fucks in the movies. I know I'm always convinced while watching these movies. I always think 'the haters are so mean.' But after seeing those sexy bot ads, I got immediately mad. I think I get it now.

A really great example is the movie Splice. It came out in 2009. I watched it in 2011.


The female scientist is emotionally unstable and Adrien Brody loves her but thinks she’s crazy when she insists on making a new creature. She makes the creature anyway. She doesn’t need anyone’s permission. She’s an independent woman and probably listens to Destiny’s Child. The creature grows fast. The creature falls in love with Adrien Brody and he teaches her how to dance. They kiss and fuck and everything is crazy. The splice arches her back and opens her wings when she orgasms. Apparently, Adrien Brody is into females with long lethal tails, deformed legs, wings, and a face that looks like the kid from the music video of System of a Down’s Aerials.

The creature eventually turns male, kills Adrien, and rapes the female scientist. The female scientist was the creature’s mom or something. The creature had her DNA. I barely passed my biology classes, so I didn’t really get the scientific part of the movie. But I can say whatever I want to say so I’m going to say this: everything about this movie is dumb but I liked it.

Every time I walk into Blockbuster and see the cover of that movie, I remember the scene where the creature orgasms and spreads its wings.

I think what I’m trying to say is this: I don’t want to be replaced by sex bots. I don’t want anyone to be replaced by sex bots. I want human flesh. I’m okay with (and will probably enjoy) movies about sex bots but I don’t want them to exist ‘in real life.’


xTx said...

now i really want to go see Splice.

Also, doesn't everyone's wings come out when they orgasm? (i feel weird now)

ana c. said...

haha yes
but her wings are totally unattractive i think or maybe it's just the face/tail/leg combo

definitely watch it

haze said...

Hell yes, orgasms = wings. But we'll all be happier if those wings are attached to a living being.

Helena Exquis said...

Te escribo en español, si?

Hahaha, por favor que nadie nos cambie por robots!!!

jeffrey james skatzka said...

incredible edibles

elaine said...

i hate those svedka ads too, they are so creepy.

blake west said...

this movie was psychotic. so funny. adrien. brody.

c nguyen said...

yaya sexy tranny creatures and adrien brody's nose <3

michael koh said...

sex bots ftw!

thomas young said...

This would make a great short story. The globalists want to create a humanoid race. It will be hard to distinguish robot from human in the future. Imagine the replicant in Blade Runner. I'll just have to buckshot all of them.

Anonymous said...

yeah those ads bother me too. the one i saw said "see through is the new black." and i was like "what this has nothing to do with vodka OR robots." ads these days.

Anonymous said...

yeah those ads have been around a long time. definitely they take objectification of women to a new level.

i wasn't disgusted by them until my mom pointed them out. so for a while i suppose they seemed normal / okay to me.